esc button

i know that people are supposed to enjoy life.

to appreciate every moment that we have.

but.

there must be something wrong with me?

lately ive been seeking an escape.

an escape from this reality.

thoughts from my spare time

lead to day dreaming about a different reality.

whether it be from the depths of my imagination

or just dreaming to exist in another place besides this.

when im with people it doesnt seem as bad.

but solitude makes one ponder.

and my ponderings are not healthy.

maybe i need to see a doctor.

the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

all i can do is laugh.

because if i dont laugh. i feel like.

ill do something ill regret.

i guess in a way. seeing things for your own eyes.

makes things easier to understand.

because you dont have to imagine the what if?

but what if you only get a snippet of what is there.

then the stories become epic sagas.

the urban myth about the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

fits in perfectly with what i saw today.

i mean, does it exist? doesnt it?

i guess i saw for my own eyes that its just a piece of shit lie.

that people tell their children to make them feel better about something.

such as the rainbow.

or the fucking tooth fairy.

or fucking santa claus.

everything is a piece of shit lie.

people lie.

its only human?

people change.

its only human.

i guess whats most important to each and every single individual

is the importance of one self.

and everyone else can go fuck themselves for all we care.

a little white lie?

is a fucking lie.

a big fucking piece of shit lie.

is a fucking lie.

but i guess lies dribble out of our mouths as easily

as if we were breathing.

its what makes the world go around.

but. i still fucking want to believe.

in the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

because if i cant see the good

in life.

in people.

in dreams.

in the world.

all im left with is a pessimistic piece of shit person

that views this world in a realistic yet sadistic way

so in order to not become scum of the earth.

or walking trash.

i hope one day.

i will fucking believe in the pot of gold.

at the end of

the fucking

rainbow.

done AND dusted

finito all my assignments for this 2nd semester of this year. WOOOT.

now only half a semester to gooooooo WOOT. ~_~;;

so i guess ive done and dusted this year huh....

guess its time to pack up all my shit and box it away preparing for the start of a new year...

paralax of sadness and happiness i guess.

hmmmmm....

people

people.

generally all the same

molecular structure.

bones. muscles. blood. etc.

and yet why is it.

that everyone is so different.?

i mean the world is full of people. who are

full of shit.

full of passion.

full of faith.

or just full of shit.

these people who are so full of shit.

everytime i fucking see you.

or hear about you.

it begins to piss me off.

gradually.

this emotion builds up.

and then turns into resentment.

which is then again replaced by anger.

and then later on hatred.

this cycle of bullshit.

how do we as people escape all the bullshit that is present within

our lives.

i have no idea.

but if i have to see. or hear. more

of your fucking bull shit.

i might fucking explode.

so dont fuck

with me

dreams

for the past few days ive been having dreams that are about the same topic.

and yet today those dreams changed.

i went into uni to hand in my assignment came back and took a two hour power nap.

but during that power nap i had a dream.

i was down in hamiltom with my mum and dad and there was this mega store

where everything was really good

clothes, electronics food what ever.

best quality items and everything was free.

and then while we are checking out our items the cashier suddenly says.

oh that will be so and so dollars.

and my mum and dad are confused.

so they say what?

and then the cashier starts being very negative towards me and my parents.

swearing and such.

so i hold him by his collar.

and thats when the dream suddenly gets weird.

most of the workers there suddenly get very violent and my family and i had to fight our way out.

and luckily in the dream my family got out safe.

but somehow i ended up back into that warehouse.

the police were there and yet not there at the same time.

as soon as i walked in a huge wailing roaring sound occured.

and those workers had knives now instead of wooden poles and bats.

and started trying to kill me.

so i killed them and chopped off limbs and such.

i wonder what this means.

loop

im waiting for a train

a train that will take me far away

i hope i know where this train will take me

but i cannot know for sure

yet it doesnt matter.....






or does it.



everybody knows and yet does not know what life holds for oneself.

and yet all individuals trudge along the path that we call life.

hoping for a better day.

hoping for that one day....



as the once younger insomniac gom stated... many years ago..


as i live life..

as i walk on paths both

visible and invisible

in life.

i ponder.

do i live life for its length

or its width...



i think sometimes.. my younger self would be both proud and disappointed in the decisions that i have made till this point.

i think that the younger me was also both wiser and yet more immature then i am now.

i wonder what that says about me as a person.

think about it.

change.

time flows.

the present changes into the past.

the future changes into the present.

seasons change.

taste buds change.

people change.

all these things change over time.

its not everything around me changing as i remain significantly unchanged.

i change with the seasons.

for the better or for the worse? only time will tell.

the things in my life change.

jobs for example.

the way i look.

the way i talk.

the things i eat.

the hobbies that i enjoy.

my preferences for things.

my friends.

my girl friends.

but all these things are based on my perspective on life.

what is my perspective on life.

living a life for me?

living a life of joy?

of monetary gain?

of what exactly.

what the fuck are the key beliefs that i hold dear.

i wonder.

the people or things that i rely on throughout the passage of time

will no doubt be hindered or fail me outright at some point.

why? change.

the decisions that everybody makes changes the outcomes of events, changes the flow in which you travel throughout your life.

so what do i base my life on?

living a good life i guess.

living a life filled with good decisions, that will benefit me first, and then i guess those around me.

or is it. making decisions in life that will sometimes benefit others instead of me.

why do we live? who do we live for?

i guess those are some of the heavy questions people sift through in life.

and i guess those are some of the big questions floating around in my head.

but i guess life would be easier for everyone.

if they could surround themselves with joy.

happiness.

bliss.

but also staying grounded in reality.

because these things are luxuries in real life.

you have to absorb them, bask in them while you can.

cus this worlds a shit can.

full of more negatives then positives.

so in order to make passage in time easier.

i guess we should fill our lives

with positives.

as much as possible. so we can at least fucking get a tan while basking.

no?

life

everything comes and goes so quickly.

lets say the average human life spans over 75 years.

18 of those years are spent on growing up. and being able to initiate the process of

beginning to think of your own definition as a person, what u believe and value. This

of course carries on throughout your entire life but the first 18 years is spent

growing up.

then comes your 20's. this is the time in which you have to experience the world. to

constantly redefine your base knowledge of everything through experience. this is

the time when you solidify your bonds with the people you will spend the rest of

your life with. Its not high school any more. everyone who has left has already done

so . and those will are staying are by your side. and so our twenties pass us by.

our thirties are spend finding that special someone and creating a life bond with

them, and basing your whole lives around that one individual.

40's will be taking care of your children for the next 20 years. and then how old

are you? 60.

and by then we are old. old enough that things dont seem as lively. you experience

shit in different ways than before, our tastes have changed and matures.

all in all 75 years seems to be a very short time to live and experience as much as

possible.

what this rant entails is a message that you may be able to read if you read between

the shitty lines.

live your fucking life with no regrets. live them while upholding morals and values

you believe in. dont b a fucktard. and every bloody second that your not happy or

your making someone elses life a fucking misery is a second wasted on bettering

your self as a person and changing your life for the better.

so let us all stop being fuckwits and live life to the fullest.

-original insomniacbear