16. Feb. 2009

BLOG START


wheeeeeeen i look back now from the future into the current present which will actualy be the past in the future.... lol i want to have something that i can remember this shit by besides photos and memories cus you forget too much shit danny.

SO .. where to start. 

ok relationship wise right now i am at a stand still. hmm ok heres how the shit went down so i dont ever forget it lol. right now i like a specific person called RED. the way it is atm is ive confessed my feelings towards her and right now shit is complicated for her so we r just friends lol which completely and utterly sucks for me as a personal thing but i guess if thats wahts best for her atm theres nothing i can really do about it is there?

learn from the mistake made fromt the past. do not give into peer pressure. do not pity date. do not go out with more then one girl at a time. do not excessively flirt with all girls you meet. do not let your ego get the better of you. do not feel too self concisous and be a little bitch.

this is all shit that you danny will have to remember incase you forget in the future and revert back to the old us of a long time ago. 

i guess what im looking for now atm in this time of the beginning of 2009 is something solid stable that will last for a while. relationships effect me a lot. it influences my everyday life so if my relationship is all about having fun and partying then imagine what my first year at uni will b like. so i guess im looking for something that will both be fun and someone to share my passions and goals with for as long as they can be shared upon by each other. 

also the friends thing right now. is. my homes r disappearing. im frantically trying to build my support structure again to be ready for my university years so that i have a stable environment around me that i can lean upon if need be but the hard thing is that everything is not as solid as it used to be because everyone is exploring finding new limits , walking new roads , so the once sturdy building is slowing loosing its pillars or the pillars r becoming soft as my friends and i go different ways. i guess. so right now i understand what is happening so i can only wait and see what happens and hope to build upon the friendships that r still here at the end of the day and make new friends and meet new people in hopes of finding people with common interests so that as i live day to day life will not seem so dull and harsh.

PASSION for something is what i need to find so that my life does not revolve around something inconsistent. in the past what my life has revolved around would be study , my mates and girls. Most of my friends have interests and passions that light up their lives and makes them strive for something better in life or just to keep on enjoying life for what it is because they r doing something that they want to do. ive been trying to find something that i can be as passionate about and as of yet i have found nothing that has sparked and turned into a roaring fire.
possible paths for my passion could be the piano and playing music. for recently i have been inspired ( by a girl lol ) to play the piano again and ive found that i really enjoy playing but am i really good enough that i can consider it to be something worth pursuing? i know i can work hard at it but will i really have the skill later on in order to be something good and all that hard work that i put it will bear fruit. or will i give up half heartedly and quit. i want my will power to be strong as to when i decide what my passion will be so that i will not give up and quit and that passion that drive for doing what i want to do will keep my alive and determined to pursing that pasison that i have found. 

as you live through life trouble comes your way or in the way of one of your friends . i am only 18 years old and so are most of my friends and yet some of my very close girl mates have gone through something that will change their lives forever. at the age of 18 they had unprotected sex and have become pregnant. the option that was only available to these girls at this place and time was to abort their babies. i dont get why girls who have so much characted and personality to them can consent to letting their boyfriends be unprotected when having sex. the risk is too great for something like 2 dollers for 200 condoms . getting pregant at the age of 18 can change your life. getting pregant at 18 and getting it aborted will change your life. your first baby that you ever carry in your womb will die. your first born baby will have a brother or sister they will never get to know. you will have a son or daughter that will never even see the light of day. i really cant help but be against abortions but there is nothing that i can do for my friends at this stage in life because they have lives dreams that they want to fulfill and that just isnt possible by having a baby now. they dont and cant face the responsibility the shame the harsh welcoming that they and their babies will receive when the news is out. i dont know how to help my friends in this kind of situation , words of comfort will not form in my mouth and will not even begin to appear in my brain.

also i cant stand to see my friends boy and girl have a partner that they always fight with or have problems with and yet they stay together. i know relationships are about forgiving and working out problems to be with the person you love or like and compromises and such but when i see my friends they r happy for a mayb not even a full day out of 7 days and yet they say that they need their partner. its not a need its a want . they want the feeling of not being alone. of having someone that they can call their boyfriend or girlfriend. the world nowadays has made relationships so cliche that most people dont even find true love or like but just go out becuase of the pressure or idea of being in love. the image of having a bf / gf . i can understand if they wer going out to have fun and they both knew it , but then they wudnt fight wud they? becuase they cud call it off but seeing my friends enter long relationships that have shitty start middle and end and then seeing the cycle repeat it self and even when you tell them to fucking wake up they dont. theuy just carry on in that cycle becuase its whats been done in the past and doing things that you have already done makes you feel secure. fuck.

right now what i want out of life is for it to be peaceful. no drama for a long while just peace for me and my friends so that we can live life a little calmly . give us time to receuperate. to find our selves again before we r plunged into the cesspool of fucks that we call life.